Monday 23 November 2009

The Boat Dream

A while before Steve was diagnosed with cancer in his liver, I had the following dream. He did not always feel well, and it is obvious now why, but this dream made an impact on me. I didn't for a moment think he would have anything to worry about. Here it is.

Steve and I were on his boat. He loved his boat and felt most at home out on the water somewhere. He had an empathy with the sea, and was obviously happy on the boat, out to sea, fishing.

We were silent and in the boat, in a brown muddy estuary. Steve was dressed in his fishing gear and hat, and I had to turn away from him and climb over the side of the boat. I was distraught that I had to go out of the boat and leave him, and run away from him, leaving him standing there smiling and still. I ran away in bare feet on the sands through the puddles of sea water with such dreadful misery, crying as I went. Suddenly I knew I had to stop and sleep and dropped onto the sand, with a heaviness that felt as if I had been felled like a tree. I thought in the dream, I can sleep here and fell with a thud. Almost instantly I rose from the sand, with the most exquisite joy. I knew I was running back to Steve and I would see him again. I don't remember if I actually ran back in the dream, but the feeling was one of utter love and peace, and a deeper silence than I can describe. I was going home and I was going to climb back over the boat. I didn't actually get there in the dream. When I woke I was confused by the extremes of feeling in the dream, the first half when I was in total despair, and the second half when I was suffused with love and joy. The dream was very short.

I still don't know why I had such a strong dream, in that I find it very hard to accept that they are prophetic. I don't think this was, but I do think I knew more instinctively than I was prepared to admit. I think this was myself telling myself that things were not good, and that Steve was iller than I had imagined.

I wonder how many of us have had dreams which point out to us things we can't see or accept.

1 comment:

  1. I've had a few such dreams. I don't think mine were prophetic, but about surfacing things that were troubling me and about starting to cope with difficult tiems ahead.