www.antoniarolls.co.uk for my website

www.jesusonthetube.co.uk for the well known image of Jesus sitting on the London tube being ignored
www.antoniarolls.blogspot.com for an account of an Artist and Mother in Bognor Regis

Angels, Earrings, Fairies and Cakes.  A Sale of Art Works for the AGD Film and Exhibition

But First 

The A Graceful Death Film Project -

Making a film of the effect an exhibition of paintings of death and the end of life (A Graceful Death, paintings from the end of life) has on those who are involved in the works, and those who come to experience them at exhibitions.   Showing how the exhibition is created and broadcast, and hearing what those who love it say, and those who don't love it, say.  And very significantly, showing how it feels to paint a sitter as they approach the end of their life, or as they face an uncertain future.  A section of the exhibition shows Survivors too, those who have come through illness, or the bereavement process, and are living again.

Click on the link below to see our video and to hear more and to donate to this important work. 

 

http://www.wefund.co.uk/project/graceful-death-film

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 Angels, Earrings, Fairies and Cakes by

Antonia Rolls 

Shopping Angel

You are warmly invited to a weekend sale of Paintings, Prints and Handmade Earrings

Wine and Tea and Cakes 

                      

Fairy Cakes and Flowers                                              Fat Ladies Diving

                                                                                       

         

             

  

                                                              Blue Teapot Fairy

Saturday May 21 10am - 9 pm to

 Sunday May 22 10am - 9 pm

   at

127 Worple Road, Wimbledon SW20

   New Beginnings Angel   

 Sale in aid of the A Graceful Death projects, the Film and the Exhibition.

I aim to have this sale of Angels and Fairies and fun things while also displaying the latest information about the A Graceful Death exhibition and film.  The weekend is about having fun with all of you, with colour, fun, wit and humour, alongside the serious business of raising funds for the A Graceful Death exhibition and film.  

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I hope you will all come to this weekend of Fairies, Angels, Earrings, Cakes, Tea and Wine.  Come to see what other kinds of paintings I do.  It will be light hearted, fun and serious.  There will be a display of one or two of the smaller AGD paintings and some information, so that everyone will know what they are buying the Angels etc for.  It will be lovely to see all of you, and meet those I have not yet met.  

There have been some very generous cheques sent in the post for the A Graceful Death film.  Thank you for all of you who have sent them. If you want to send any money to the A Graceful Death film and exhibition, please do so by emailing me, and I will give you my address to send to.  Make the cheques out to A Graceful Death and I will receipt all cheques.  Some of you know my address anyway, so send away!  My email address is antonia.rolls1@btinternet.com.  Thank you.

I am talking to St James's in Piccadilly about possibly showing A Graceful Death there.  This is a church I have heard about with interest, and am really delighted to be at least talking about it being a venue.  I know it would work splendidly in St James's.  I have not had the pleasure of meeting the Rector, but I have seen her talk at my friend Nicola Slee's latest book launch which was held in this church.  For your interest, Nicola's book is excellent and is called "Seeking the Risen Christa".  There has been a small and encouraging flurry of emails between the Wellcom Trust and me about the AGD, but I think they are booked up for the next hundred years.  You never know though, one day that would be excellent.  They were very enthusiastic about the exhibition, and that always helps.

Neill and I have re shot our video for the We Fund video, and when he can he will edit it so I can re load a different video.  I have already said that I have overestimated myself with We Fund, and it is a learning curve.  If they agree, we may put our project back on after this one, with a  realistic target figure.  Despite this, the film is moving on, and the exhibition is moving ahead, and we are doing all we can to make it work.  

This afternoon I go to start my volunteering job at our local Hospice.  Time to learn what the end of life is like day to day,  and to do so with the Hospice Movement.  I will be going there one day a week. 

Please come to the Angels, Fairies and Earrings weekend.  Even if just to chat, it will be lovely to see you all.

 www.antoniarolls.co.uk for my website

www.jesusonthetube.co.uk for the well known image of Jesus sitting on the London tube being ignored
www.antoniarolls.blogspot.com for an account of an Artist and Mother in Bognor Regis

Angels And Earrings And Fairies And Cake

All coming together to raise funds for and awareness of the A Graceful Death project.  This includes both the Film and the Exhibition.  Read on -

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Angels, Earrings, Fairies and Cakes by

Antonia Rolls 

Shopping Angel

You are warmly invited to a weekend sale of Paintings, Prints and

Handmade Earrings

and

Wine and Tea and Cakes 
 

Fairy Cakes

Saturday May 21, 10am - 9 pm

Sunday May 22, 10am - 9 pm

  at

127 Worple Road, Wimbledon SW20

Weight Watchers Angel

Sale in aid of the A Graceful Death projects, the Film and the Exhibition.

***************************************************************************************

I aim to have this sale of Angels and Fairies and fun things while also displaying the latest information about the A Graceful Death exhibition and film.  The weekend is about having fun with all of you, with colour, fun, wit and humour, alongside the serious business of raising funds for the A Graceful Death exhibition and film.  

As you all know, the A Graceful Death exhibition is about acknowledging the importance of the end of life.  It is about what it means to die, and what it means to survive - this means both to survive the process of grief and bereavement and to survive the treatment of cancer or other life threatening illnesses.  The A Graceful Death exhibition began with the death of my partner from cancer in November 2007.  I painted the last few weeks and days of Steve's life, trying to capture how though his body was ravaged by the cancer, the life, the spirit that made him Steve, lived on in him to the end.  The paintings are powerful and raw and full of love.  The A Graceful Death exhibition has now evolved to include the stories and images of others at the ends of their lives too.  It includes the images and words from those who are undergoing treatment for cancer, and those who have survived well past the five year mark.  My colleague Neill Blume and I are now making a film of the exhibition and its effects.  Neill will be there at the Angels, Fairies and Earrings Fund Raising Weekend, filming away - so come and be part of it.

A Graceful Death is a not for profit enterprise.  All donations directly to the exhibition are gratefully received.  I am very fortunate to continue with A Graceful Death through the kindness and love of those who support it both financially, and with time and practical help.

I make earrings with a passion too.  Apart from having loads already made, I will have all the beads and baubles in piles for you to select and design your own.  I will make them up for you then and there.  Your own design and colour scheme.  Go for it.  

See you all there.  A Bar is set up for all those who need more than tea, and there will be cakes and sustenance to help you make your earrings, Angel and Fairy Painting and or print buying decisions.

Ups And Downs. A Reality Check And Some Magic.

www.antoniarolls.co.uk for my website
www.jesusonthetube.co.uk for the well known image of Jesus sitting on the London tube being ignored
www.antoniarolls.blogspot.com for an account of an Artist and Mother in Bognor Regis

The A Graceful Death Film Project -

Making a film of the effect an exhibition of paintings of death and the end of life (A Graceful Death, paintings from the end of life) has on those who are involved in the works, and those who come to experience them at exhibitions.   Showing how the exhibition is created and broadcast, and hearing what those who love it say, and those who don't love it, say.  And very significantly, showing how it feels to paint a sitter as they approach the end of their life, or as they face an uncertain future.  A section of the exhibition shows Survivors too, those who have come through illness, or the bereavement process, and are living again.

Click on the link below to see our video and to hear more and to donate to this important work. 

 

http://www.wefund.co.uk/project/graceful-death-film

Ups And Downs.  A Reality Check And Some Magic

 There have been some very interesting ups and downs for the A Graceful Death project.

This account will be about the difficulties that I have been encountering.  It includes too the progress that has been made, as the A Graceful Death exhibition, film and project  finds its way forward,  and the response to what we are doing is growing.

But first, I write will be about the joy of filming Nushi Khan-Levy.  Nushi is undergoing treatment for cancer.  She has agreed to be filmed and her portrait  is being painted for the exhibition.  Eileen photographed her yesterday, and Neill filmed her and I interviewed her.  A lot for a lady to do, who is tired from her chemo treatment.  

Nushi.  Very beautiful and very strong.

Nushi is someone I have known for many years.  She is a successful screen, television, stage and radio actress.  Nushi is busy, Nushi has two growing daughters and a demanding career.  Her husband is busy with his demanding career, the family is dynamic and fun, they know everyone, they do everything, and then Nushi got cancer. 

Last year, Nushi came to the London showing of A Graceful Death hosted by Clarissa de Wend Fenton.  As ever, she was shining and vital, full of news and work, her girls going to university and everything as busy as it always was.  And so, a couple of months ago, I got an email from Nushi telling me that in the time between that exhibition and now, she herself had been diagnosed with breast cancer and had had to undergo two swift and urgent operations.  Now, she was mid chemo treatment, was very sick and apart from everything else, had lost all her hair.  When I read her email I knew that I wanted to paint her and that the word that covered her, to me, was goddess.  I asked her if she would take part in the exhibition as a Survivor, and she said Yes.  I asked her if we could film her, and she said Yes.  And so we did.

I wanted to film Nushi  because she will speak openly of the dark places she went to.  She can talk to us of the fears and the panic she felt about her diagnosis. "Ask me about being horrible," she told me, "and let me talk about fear." Nushi is wise and articulate.  She is willing to show her vulnerability, to speak of her reality, and then to make us laugh with her wit, her warmth and her sense of fun. The thing is, that Nushi does not look ill.  She has lost her hair, yes.  She has what she calls Chemo Brain, and gets forgetful and muddled, but one of the important points Nushi made, about herself, was that she had had a choice.  Either she curled up and went under, she said, or she made the effort to live each day at a time.  For me, Antonia, living a day at a time is a theory.  As far as I know I have many such days, and I have heard that living each day at a time, each moment at a time, is a gift.  I don't really understand it though, and I have no idea how to do it.  It sounds great, but I live all over the place; past, present, future.  Nushi knows how to live each day at a time.  She had to work it out and do it to survive the experience, she chose to do it.  So she paints on her eyes, her eyebrows, puts on colours, paints her nails (which she says are blue black anyway from the chemo) and does not like to wear her wig.  She says that there have been moments with her husband, during the diagnosis, the operations and the treatment, where time distilled itself into such heightened awareness and love and supreme consciousness of the moment, that she wishes she could bottle it and use it when her hair grows back, her life is more normal, and she is well past this time of treatment.


Nushi says she is doing Cancer Chic.  I thought that was wonderful, because actually, she is.


News now of the rest of the A Graceful Death project.

A very heartfelt thank you to all those who have been sending in donations for the Film.  I am very grateful and touched.  I have a dedicated bank account for this, and for those of you who want to send donations to me  by post, please email me on antonia.rolls1@btinternet.com and I will give my address. Unfortunately the We Fund donation site is not doing very well;  and it is time to update the video and reduce the amount we want to receive there.  It is a learning curve.  When I put up the video and the link, I had not realised just how my time would be dominated by trying to organise and publicise the whole concept of A Graceful Death.  I did think that all I had to do was tell people about AGD and they would love it - which may or may not be true, but I have learned that I need to constantly explore where this project (both the film and the exhibition) is going, who it is reaching and why it is so important.  I have been writing proposals for funding applications that are very detailed business plans.  I have had to address how I am going to achieve it all. 

It is significant too, that this is non profit making, therefore working on it means that I am not earning. So, with important lessons being learnt as I write, I have been planning, organising, promoting, researching and  working at the A Graceful Death exhibition.   And have been really touched by the donations that have been coming in.  Thank you.

I do have a team working with me too, all of whom give so much  time, practical help and advice without payment. The A Graceful Death team are as follows -

•  Eileen Rafferty.   www.eileenrafferty.blogspot.com.  Eileen not only takes the most extraordinary photos for the AGD exhibitions and for a book she is writing on it, she is studying for a photography degree and holds a senior position in the Civil Service. Eileen helps with planning, applications, ideas and is has been with the exhibition from the very beginning.   
  
• Alan Bedford.  Alan is a retired NHS Chief Executive and at present a private consultant in the Health Service.  Alan was instrumental in the creation of the Martlets Hospice in Hove, Sussex, and is on the Board of Governors.  Alan gives constant support with both financial and business advice, and has constantly advised me on strategies for making the AGD project viable and practical.  
• Clarissa de Wend Fenton.  Clarissa is a business owner in London who has not only hosted the A Graceful Death exhibition in London herself, but is helping to find future venues for exhibitions.  Clarissa has constantly given me business advice and has introduced me to her accountant who is now offering her services to help me to keep the AGD finances up to date. 
• Neill Blume. Neill is making the film with me.  Neill is a busy film maker, and has understood completely what A Graceful Death is about.  Neill has given his time and expertise to creating our film, and has shown huge enthusiasm, insight and commitment.

 I am very fortunate indeed. 

The A Graceful Death exhibition is working on a new set of paintings and writings on the subject of suicide.    I am still hoping to meet, film and paint Patrick Joyce, the Incurable Optimist, who is suffering from Motor Neurone Disease.  Patrick is happy to take part in the A Graceful Death film and exhibition, despite putting on an extensive set of exhibitions of his own work.  Patrick is an artist, and is using his art to not only raise money for, but to raise awareness of, Motor Neurone Disease.   Please see http://patricktheoptimist.org/.

Finally, Neill and I are updating our We Fund video as soon as we can.  Please do donate to our film.  It is a truly life affirming project, A Graceful Death.

http://www.wefund.co.uk/project/graceful-death-film

Cancer Chic.  The glorious Nushi.

A Graceful Death Exhibition And Film; Latest News

www.antoniarolls.co.uk for my website
www.jesusonthetube.co.uk for the well known image of Jesus sitting on the London tube being ignored
www.antoniarolls.blogspot.com for an account of an Artist and Mother in Bognor Regis

The A Graceful Death Film Project -

 

Making a film of the effect an exhibition of paintings of death and the end of life (A Graceful Death, paintings from the end of life) has on those who are involved in the works, and those who come to experience them at exhibitions.   Showing how the exhibition is created and broadcast, and hearing what those who love it say, and those who don't love it, say.  And very significantly, showing how it feels to paint a sitter as they approach the end of their life, or as they face an uncertain future.  A section of the exhibition shows Survivors too, those who have come through illness, or the bereavement process, and are living again.

 

Click on the link below to see our video and to hear more and to donate to this important work. 

 

http://www.wefund.co.uk/project/graceful-death-film

An Update On The Exhibition And Film 

 

I have been sending out information on the above project to everyone that I can think of.  It has been hard work to process everything into a small-ish format so that it can be read easily both by email and by post.  So far, we have been pledged a very good amount and are grateful. There is not so much to report on the film, as I am only just beginning the fund raising appeal and am awaiting responses.   Neill Blume, my colleague who is making the film, and I, have already started work on filming, and will be making another filming journey out very soon as I am visiting a very brave lady who will be painted for the next time A Graceful Death is shown.  This lady is recovering from cancer and she and I need to speak first so that I know what it is that she wants from the painting, and I can do the best painting possible.

 

This morning I spoke to the local newspaper about what I am doing, and about the film project.  The journalist that I spoke with has covered A Graceful Death before, and is aware of what it is all about.  He writes very sensitively, and I look forward to seeing what comes of it.  I am doing all the fund raising and the awareness raising in between having other painting commitments, so every little bit helps.  If my local paper comes on board, then I am in a better position to fund raise.

 

I expect everyone who starts a major project finds that it can take over their lives!  I could, if I had no children and no home and no other work to do, spend all day every day doing this exhibition.  I love how it is growing, I love how it seems to be working and most of all, I love the responses of the people who come and see it when it is set up. I don't like the feeling that I never do enough for it though.  It can be hard to see the wood for the trees.  There are a few more very interesting paintings to paint, and some more people I need to contact with a view to painting them.  I am remembering people from past exhibitions and realising that they would be excellent subjects for the Survivors that I want to paint.  Oh if only time and money were no object.  There is a wondeful lady I wish I could visit that I met when A Graceful Death went to Dublin.  I would love to travel over to meet her again and to ask to paint her.  She was a truly remarkable survivor.  And what an artist she is too.  I will work on that one though.  

 

I phoned the Spectator and St James in Piccadilly in the last few days and both extremely helpful ladies I spoke to listened to what I was doing, and both said it was timely as they had both lost someone important only very recently.  You see, it is such a human experience, loss and bereavement.  I meet this everywhere I go.  How amazing that death unites is all.  I hope to make some new contacts, regarding the Spectator and St James in Piccadilly.  It is time to show the A Graceful Death in London again.  And, talking with the journalist this morning, he suggested it was time to try to show the exhibition in Chichester once more.  I agree and will now look for somewhere to put on A Graceful Death there.  You may remember, that when I first tried to show A Graceful Death in Chichester for its first time in 2009, there was such an objection to it that everyone pulled out just before it was to be shown.  I think it is time to try in Chichester again.  The exhibition has proved itself to be sensitive, controversial and uplifting.

Next week is going to be given over entirely to painting again.  I have other commission work to do, and will prepare the wood and the space for the next A Graceful Death paintings, which will be taking shape by the end of this month.  

 

Please visit our page on We Fund, and please donate whatever you can for our film project.  Every pound helps.  Every amount helps.  We don't expect you to give us tens, hundreds or thousands (though should you wish to, we say Oh go on then...), whatever you can afford is helpful for us.  Thank you, another update soon.

 

http://www.wefund.co.uk/project/graceful-death-film

The A Graceful Death Film Project -

 

making a film of the effect an exhibition of paintings of death and the end of life (A Graceful Death, paintings from the end of life) has on those who are involved in the works, and those who come to experience them at exhibitions.   Showing how the exhibition is created and broadcast, and hearing what those who love it say, and those who don't love it, say.  

 

Click on the link below to see more and to donate to this important work. 

 

http://www.wefund.co.uk/project/graceful-death-film

 

Filming in St Nicholas Church in Manchester, where the exhibition has just had its latest run.

 

Some reactions to the exhibition in Manchester

 

"I was privileged to be at that opening evening, truly powerful. Reading of some of the reactions of people to Antonia's work (I loved Jesus & John the Baptist playing their Gameboys, a card which made me laugh out loud in the middle of all the other images which often moved me to tears, how could anyone take offence??) just makes it even clearer why we need Antonia & her work. Thank you so much to Antonia, Rachel & all who made it possible."  Loiuse

 

 "I think what you are doing is a beautiful thing. And I think Jesus is very challenging, and not just comforting. Your writings and what I can see of your pictures speak to me in a powerful way: partly, because my own wife died just over two years ago - she took her own life, but had really tried to give herself a graceful death - which may also sound strange to some people; partly because I have seen many people die; but mostly because they somehow fill me hope when I am such a cynical and pessimistic old cuss these days. I think you have tremendous strength and compassion - so thank you for sharing that with the world."  Stuart 

 

 "Goodbye Micheal, Goodbye Old Friend".  My father leans over to say this to his old friend Michael who died later that evening.  They had been friends for about 50 years.  (Acrylic on board)

 

"A Graceful Dying"  (saint in a chair in a hospice).  Oil on wood.  Waiting to die, with only days left.

 

 

The A Graceful Death exhibition is a collection of raw, powerful and loving paintings and poetry about the end of life.  The poetry has been donated and sent in by those who have been affected by the exhibition, and tells of their own stories.  It began with paintings of the last few days, weeks and day of my partner who died in 2007 from cancer.  It has grown in the last two years to include the experiences and portraits of others both at the end of life, and those who have been left with no other option but to go on living - Surviving. 

 

 "Survivor" the colours of golden yellow and orange say it all.  Nothing else is needed, this is me having come through the loss of someone special.  I did it.  I am alive still and life is good.  Oil on wood.

 

 The exhibition has had an extraordinary reception as it has toured the UK.  It started in Bognor Regis, and went on to London, Oxford, Birmingham, Dublin and Manchester.  It is next due to exhibit for the month of November in Birmingham.

 

The next huge project for A Graceful Death is the making of A Graceful Death, the Film.  My colleague, the film maker Neill Blume, and I are making the A Graceful Death film about the way the exhibition is created and received.  We want to film the hard work that goes into the creation of the exhibition, the progress it makes as it travels to each new venue.  We aim to film the responses of those who come to see it, and of the reactions that people at the exhibition, beside the paintings.  So far, the reactions of those who have come to the exhibition have been overwhelming.  They have been truly cathartic for many, very painful for others, and deeply moving for all.  There have also been those who do not like the exhibition at all, and we will be filming what they have to say too.

 

Our film will also show paintings in progress of those who are nearing the end of their lives.  It will film how it is to make such a work, and the reactions and thoughts of all those involved.  This will include how it affects me as I am working.

 

The aim of our film, the aim of the exhibition, is to start the long overdue conversation on how it is to die. We want to challenge, with grace, this taboo called Death.  What is means to be at the end of life, and how we all will die.  It seems that Art can address this issue in a way that is beyond mere words, and that the A Graceful Death exhibition and film, is just at the beginning of this discovery.

 

We Fund is a website that is dedicated to helping artistic and creative projects to find backing.  Neill and I have set up a page on this website and would like to encourage you to follow the link below, and to help us by helping to sponsor our project.  Every small donation helps (as well as every large one.)  As you will see on the website, we offer heartfelt rewards for each sponsor.  Please  visit this page below and watch our short video which explains what we are doing

 

http://www.wefund.co.uk/project/graceful-death-film

 

With many thanks,

Antonia

 

 

Watch Our Video And Help Us With The Film Of AGD

www.antoniarolls.co.uk for my website
www.jesusonthetube.co.uk for the Jesus on the Tube image story and image
www.antoniarolls.blogspot.com for an account of an Artist and Mother in Bognor Regis
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fl44L6Izrd0 for a short film from the first weeks of creating the A Graceful Death exhibition by Bertram Somme

The Film Video Is Up, Now Over To You

The link for the A Graceful Death Film funding project at We Fund is below.  Please go now and have a look.  And then, please donate in return for a small token of our gratitude - all of which is listed on our page on the link below ...

http://www.wefund.co.uk/project/graceful-death-film

Neill and I have set up our project at We Fund, a website dedicated to raising money for artistic projects.  We have already started filming, and are excited and inspired by the reception the exhibition is getting, and the extremely personal and profound responses from those who come to see the paintings and poetry.  

We Fund is a new kind of website in the UK.  It is an American idea, where projects are open for individual sponsorship and donations, in return for Perks, all of which are listed beside the A Graceful Death video.  The excellent idea behind this We Fund sponsorship idea is that unless the total amount of sponsorship required is reached, no money is deducted from any donor.  You pledge your money and on the closing day of the project, only if the target is reached or exceeded, is the money deducted in one fell swoop into the A Graceful Death, A Film account by We Fund.  If the target is not reached, no money is deducted and Neill and I have to think again.

What we would like from you is your support.  If you go onto the We Fund website, the link is at the top of this page, you will see what we are offering for each donation.  Watch the video, and imagine how important each of your individual responses are to us.  It is utterly vital that this film is made.  The story, the Art, the expressions of the human condition of loss and recovery from loss is so important.  Bereavement, the End of Life, Death are all so evident in the wider world, in the news, in catastrophes and in other peoples' lives - what the A Graceful Death exhibition and experience does is to speak to your experience.  It says your story is so very important and powerful.  The exhibiton seeks to start the conversation on what it means to die, and how we are affected by it.  What is this End of Life thing?  It touches a deep chord in those who have shared, at whatever level, the experience which is as profound as it is normal.  Death is normal.  The poetry and painting in the A Graceful Death exhibition goes beyond the conventional approach and touches us deep in our souls.  The A Graceful Death film shows this as it happens.  The A Graceful Death film is as important as the exhibition in showing the power, the effect and often the great peace that encountering our own stories of loss and recovery through the A Graceful Death exhibition, brings.

Please be generous and join us on our journey.  

With so many thanks and we look forward to the next stage in our filming and exhibition story.

http://www.wefund.co.uk/project/graceful-death-film

A Valuable But Mixed Experience In Manchester

www.antoniarolls.co.uk for my website
www.jesusonthetube.co.uk for the Jesus on the Tube image story and image
www.antoniarolls.blogspot.com for an account of an Artist and Mother in Bognor Regis
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fl44L6Izrd0 for a short film from the first weeks of creating the A Graceful Death exhibition by Bertram Somme

A Valuable Experience In Manchester, A Mixed Bag

The exhibition was held in St Nicholas Church in Burnage, Manchester, with the Rev Rachel Mann.

a family looking at the Steve As Christ's Head painting hung in the Baptistry in the church

The A Graceful Death exhibition has been packed up, folded away, and transported back to the studio.  It was a new kind of venue for me in Burnage, Manchester.  I hung the exhibition in a public place, a church, and left it there for a week.  The paintings looked very effective in this setting;  they looked strong and memorable and difficult to ignore.  It was hard for some in the congregation, who when they came to the service on the Sunday, could not but be confronted with images of death and dying under the title of A Graceful Death.  "There is no such thing as a graceful death" was the general feeling of those who did not like it.  The opening and closing nights were full of those who chose to come, and take part in the exhibition experience.  But the service is part of many of the parishioners pattern of life, and non-negotiable. Those that did come, and did not like it, are very brave indeed.  The end of life is not an easy subject and if it is unavoidable as part of the Sunday service, then that is very hard indeed.

Neill, in the hat is the Director of the A Graceful Death film, Graham is the camera man.  The large painting of Steve in the background above the altar was particularly effective and wonderful, though very prominent.

A church is a place of refuge for many.  A church, your own church, is yours, and is not somewhere that you want to challenge or frighten you.  Sometimes we have arrived at a set of beliefs that mean everything to us because they make us safe in a world which is unsafe and random.  Sometimes, we feel it is better to come to the services and masses and feel connected with what we feel we need so much, like reassurance, familiarity, companionship, communion with God.  To have paintings from an exhibition that shake that necessary injection of hope and love from God, all around this sacred place of personal refuge, must be extremely difficult.  And A Graceful Death is not an exhibition that is easily dismissed with indifference.  So there were those who disliked the exhibition with a passion, and those who loved it with a passion.  As I was packing up to leave, helped as ever by my son Costya who had come up especially, a church warden came into the church.  The church is kept locked at all times when there is not a service or function going on, as there have been some tricky situations from the street outside.  So I knew this lady was part of the congregation.  Having asked if I was the artist, she told me with great kindness that many of the older folk had been very upset.  I knew this, Rev Rachel and I had discussed it.  Her husband, she said, would not come near the exhibition.  Just as she walked into the church ten minutes or so before, I remembered, she was accompanied by a man who took one look at me and turned and ran back out of the door.  Ah, I thought.  The husband.  She explained that some of the younger members of the parish had lost friends and family recently and were in no fit state to come and see an exhibition of this kind.  I can see that too, and I am so sorry about that.  This lovely church warden then went on to tell me about her father and her sister's deaths, and how she reacted to them.  She spoke with clarity about what was obviously still very difficult for her, even 20 or 30 years ago.  After a while we said our goodbyes and as she went back out into the street I heard her say, "She's very nice, you know" in a surprised voice to, I presume, her husband outside.

Many of the paintings of Steve's last moments were hung in the Baptistry, along with the painting of Peter and Anne Snell, at Peter's death bed.  There were tiny paintings in here too, like the Dancing Steve Out of Life, the Sadness and Tea Diptych.  The painting of me as a Survivor is on the wall of the main part of the church.

I am very nice.  The exhibition is tough.  It brings our experience of loss to the surface and if we have not been able to cope before with the sadness, we are not going to be able to cope in the exhibition.  But this is where the hope and the catharsis comes in.  In this exhibition it is safe to feel a connection with your own story of loss, or bereavement, or illness, or survival.  I am there to talk to and listen for the openings and closings of the exhibition, when there are the most people visiting, and if I am not there, someone else is.  In this case, Rev Rachel, for the days midweek that I was away.  Sometimes images that are not photographs, that are painted, can touch the places that we keep covered.  Other people have written poetry and written essays for the exhibition, and those words are full of hope, sadness and sometimes, acceptance. At the A Graceful Death experience, taking time to look at the paintings and reading the words, the universal human condition of life and death touches us and if we have been bereaved, we know what the paintings and the words are about.  One very amazing lady told me that she had at last, connected to her father's death of 20 years ago when she came to the exhibition during the week.  She was, she said, a mess during the time she spent looking at the A Graceful Death.  She came back again to look finish looking at the paintings and words, at the closing night party.  Now, she said, she feels a relief and a kind of release. She is a priest herself, and counsels those who have been bereaved - and she thanked me for the healing experience.  I thank her, she is a brave lady.

A very important part of the exhibition is the Word Wall.  Here is hung many of the poems that were sent to me for use in the exhibition, plus a few words about who they are about. 

I met some truly wonderful people.  I met the daughter, the granddaughter and the great-granddaughters of the lovely old man who I painted called John Horne.  It was the first time they had seen the painting in real life.  I had sent them prints made by Eileen the photographer, but to meet them for me, and for them to see the painting in real life, was truly a highlight. 

The lovely John Horne.  

There were many profound conversations, and I have some wonderful writings given to me which I want to use for the next A Graceful Death which is in St Martins in the Bullring in Birmingham in November this year.  I hope to receive some more poetry from some very kind people who were moved by the paintings, and I hope to paint more Survivors of the bereavement and grieving process.  And as ever, anyone who would agree to be painted at the end of their lives, with love, grace and dignity, then that is what I want to do.

Looking at the book of thoughts, and reading about the A Graceful Death exhibition.  I spoke with this man, who was very sensitive and had worked in health care himself.