Sponsorship for the Exhibition.

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A Graceful Death Has A Sponsor

I showed the painting of Anne and Peter Snell to Anne, as it was Peter's wish (supported by Anne) that it be done and included in the A Graceful Death exhibition.  Anne is a graceful and deeply experienced lady, with a gift for doing good to people.  She liked the painting - actually, she and her wonderful children found the painting extremely difficult to look at and were very upset by it, but not because they did not want the painting to be done.  They were knocked sideways by the sight of Peter and Anne as they were for his last weeks, by the memories of that time spent loving him and allowing him to die in dignity and peace.  After many tears and conversations amongst themselves and me, they have given me more than the go ahead.  I have found Champions.  Fearless, intelligent, experienced and brave champions.  Anne Snell, with the support of her children, especially two of her daughters Maddy Pook and Jemima Lipari, have enabled A Graceful Death to find its first sponsorship money.  Peter Snell has provided funds for good works and his wife and step children have given A Graceful Death enough money to put on two whole exhibitions, with all expenses paid.  I cannot thank them enough.

I am looking for sponsorship.  I am looking for donations.   I am looking for funds to enable this amazing exhibition to tour the country.  Many places have asked for it to be shown - I have so far, firm commitments from Birmingham, Manchester, Dublin and York.  The exhibition goes to where it is needed and asked for, and needs funds to help it travel, advertise, for me to paint the new paintings, for me to print out all the wonderful new poetry and writings I am sent to include in the exhibition, for all the helpers who help me keep it going.  Please think hard.  Can you help?  Can you donate anything to this A Graceful Death exhibition?  I have been shown so far that it is possible to reach out to people and say that the memories of the passing of someone never goes away.  It is a terrible and awesome gift to know, really know, that death will happen and it will happen to all of us.  And we can grieve, and we can talk about it, and all our stories are important.  What we have to say on this personal and sometimes terrible, sometimes miraculous subject, is necessary.  Often, in the A Graceful Death exhibition, someone will come in and relive the loss of someone special.  You may think this is unwelcome, and to be avoided.  But it is not.  It happens all the time to those who grieve.  It is what happens, and for it to happen with those around who say, "Yes, it happened to us too, and look, it is fine to cry.  And look at us now, we are never over it but our lives go on and we are so much better for this experience", for it to happen amongst those people,  is a gift.

To come to the exhibition is a brave choice.  You have to choose to come, you will never stumble upon it.  You know you will be vulnerable to sorrow and you know you will see your own experience there amongst the paintings and writings.  But - you will be affirmed.  You will see it is more than fine to grieve, it is part of your life. I don't intend for the exhibition to weigh you down or to burden you.  I aim for a connection with the End Of Life issues that you have experienced, and to affirm that you still live, and love, and that this real real thing that happened to you is Fine.  It is OK.  It happened and you are not alone. And now you are here, days, months, years after someone you loved or even someone you just knew, died.  We can't chose who we grieve for, we just do it.

If you can help with donations, funds, sponsorship, email me on antonia.rolls1@btinternet.com .  Sponsors so far include

Peter and Anne Snell

 Michael Copeman

Clarissa de Wend Fenton

Paula Fortuna

Ralph C Rolls

Geoff Robson

And so many thanks to them from the bottom of my heart.

A Graceful Death Goes Further

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A Graceful Death Exhibition is Growing and Going Places. 

This is Anne and Peter Snell.  Peter asked to be included in the A Graceful Death exhibition before he died, and Anne asked for me to come and see them.  Anne was telling Peter how much she loves him here, and Peter was loved out of this life a few days later.

The A Graceful Death exhibition is becoming more inclusive.  Anne and Peter Snell are featured above, and will be the central piece for the Oxford Exhibition which is coming up next month.  I have found this painting so good to paint, it has taken me some time because Peter's head seemed so vulnerable and precious, as he lay on his pillows.  I wanted to capture his dignity and strength.  Anne has always been very beautiful, and is shown here concentrating on Peter and talking to him. 

A Graceful Death will include one more image next month too.  I have been allowed to paint the image of Kate Massey's Grandfather before he died, and when I have finished it you will see what a lovely face and smile this Grandfather had.  I am hoping to have it finished within the next two weeks.  Kate Massey is a student at Queen's Theological College in Birmingham, and was moved to include her much loved Grandfather in the next exhibition.  I am grateful to Kate. 

Included too will be some very profound poetry by Penny Hewlett.  Penny is a modest but highly accomplished poet. The first poem I put up of Penny's is entered for a poetry competition so I am using another of Penny's wonderful poems -

10 Years On

extract from the first verses

I thought I was done with this task,

knifing through each circle of the onion

to get at the grief inside,

chopping the flesh of my loss

slice by slice, always another layer,

yet not stopping, not, because I knew

that somewhere the taste of memories

would be sweeter for the tears that I let fall,

that you would return without the bitterness

without the sting of it.

extract from the second verses

I thought I was done with this task

till in a new home the walls looked bare

because you had not seen them, the kitchen table

had just a four legged function where the world was

not vividly explored, the door less welcoming

because your hand had never pushed it wide,

this house did not know you,

and I misses you at its kernel and its core.

Penny Hewlett

(2 extracts from her longer poem "10 Years On")

There is a wonderful piece of writing by a young man who has suffered the loss of two of his friends by the time he was 24.  I am very moved by what Liam has written and will be including it as a booklet for people to take away.  It is called "Change, Emotion and Life". 

A Graceful Death has started with my story.  I painted my way through the first two years of my loss of my darling Steve from liver cancer in November 2007.  From the resulting pictures has come the most wonderful response by those who have created something of their own to include in the next showing of the exhibition.  There are more and more people involved in its progress around the country, and this is what I had wanted.  It is very good that A Graceful Death is speaking to those that want to hear, and we are all having this very important but deeply avoided conversation about How Do We Die?  How Do We Survive The Loss Of Someone We Love? 

The planned venues for the exhibition are, without finalising the order,

Oxford, Dublin, Westport Ireland, Manchester, a new venue in Birmingham and Yorkshire.

As soon as they are finalised I will publicise them.  And, I will be creating a new website for easy access to the gallery of paintings and poetry and prose.  More soon.

Snowy the Cat RIP, another very important member of the A Graceful Death paintings

Birmingham Finished Oxford Next

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Exhibition Goes To Oxford Next in July

I went with my 16 year old son Costya to Birmingham on Sunday to take down the AGD from Queens Theological College. It took a good day to set up and 2 hours to take down. Now all the paintings are behind me as I write, wrapped up in the studio, ready for the next Event.

How did Birmingham go? I think it went well in that this exhibition doesn't cheer you up and make you laugh. It is not about a Fun Experience, which is what I had aimed for before when putting on an exhibition. My Every Day Angels are about enjoyment and connection and fun and smiling and colour. A Graceful Death is about Death. About the End Of A Life. Bereavement. All experiences in our Human Condition and not very comfortable ones, and understandably so. But AGD is also so much about Love and Hope. How can someone you adore drift away to eternity and not leave you affected for ever? How can this event called Death not put into sharp focus all you do have, all the wonder of the life you are left to live, and the memory that you, little you, could love so profoundly and passionately? And that the passing of that object of your love has highlighted the power of this feeling and this love? We are blessed if we can love. We are blessed if we can dance someone out of this life.

The reception in Birmingham was one of painful facing of feelings. It was not, I am assured by the feedback I have received from the students there, about helpless pain and distress. The experience was one of Catharsis and working through the feelings of loss and love and grief. The students at Queens are mostly all ordained ministers, and most have experience of death. This exhibition caused them to look at and feel the passing of their own personal feelings of loss and sorrow. I heard from one wonderful lady vicar that I would not ever know the effect of the exhibition on her, how releasing and healing it had been. Her mother had recently died. Until that moment she had been very private, and I had no way of knowing if her experience of the paintings was good or not. Another very brave lady, I don't know her name, missed her husband oh so terribly. She cried before I spoke to the community and said that she felt she needed to stay. Throughout the talk I gave I could see her crying so painfully and knew she had decided what was best for her. I remember thinking she was a remarkable lady. A few hours after the talk was over she came to me still with tears in her eyes and on her cheeks, and said that she was filled with peace and joy. She had faced a storm of sorrow and was uplifted and full of hope.

If nothing else, these two ladies have made the exhibition in Birmingham more than successful. Steve, bless him, has helped to calm some very troubled feelings. His images, this exhibition, can do much good.

Oxford next! More details later when all is finalised. It will be in July.

Peter Snell Died on Tuesday

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"A Graceful Death" in Queens Foundation Theological College

Somerset Road

Birmingham B15 2QH

As the rooms the exhibition is in are in constant teaching use, please email the college to make a convenient time to visit

r.maskell@queens.ac.uk

Exhibition closes on Sunday 28 March, last full viewing day Saturday 27 March.

Peter Snell Died On Tuesday

Peter Snell was my Aunt's second husband, and the love of her life. He was a wonderful man, wearing bow ties and cravats, with a large healthy beard. He was not only a father to his own children but step father to my 6 utterly larger than life cousins, so his was not an easy path.

I mention Peter here because before he died, he and my aunt asked me to come to the Hospice to photograph him to go into the A Graceful Death exhibition. Peter said it would "Help Others". So I went and photographed Peter and Anne, and spoke mainly to Anne as Peter was too ill to speak much. I was just in time, Peter died exactly a week later and now I am painting his portrait with his wife, my aunt, for the exhibition. The main theme of Peter and Anne is Love. Anne is and was the way Peter found Love and that is what I will paint.

I have been asked to apply to take the exhibition to another popular venue in Birmingham. I will do that, and hope it will go ahead. In the meantime, I have more offerings coming in from people I met recently in London and Birmingham, more poetry and possible images of loved ones.

The exhibition runs in Birmingham until Sunday March 28.

Exhibition Set Up At Queens

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Exhibition Up At Queens in Birmingham.

Queens Foundation (Theological College)

Somerset Road

Edgbaston

Birmingham B15 2QH

Exhibition runs until
Sunday 28 March

To view the exhibition, email the university as the exhibition room is in constant teaching use. They will give you times you can visit

r.maskell@queens.ac.uk

After setting up the exhibition in two rooms, I prepared myself to speak to the college on the Monday at 11am. I would be addressing about 60 people, all of whom are practicing some ministry in the Church, and many who are training. All of them deeply educated and working hard on their own paths in their Ministries. I was nervous because I had not done something like this before, and because the people I was to address were so educated. My father and who said " so are you" when I mentioned the bit about being educated. It is true, I have a MA Hons. And my mother said "they don't want a lecture" which is also true. I can only talk about what I know, and that would be, in this case, the paintings of Steve and my story.

I did wear a red jacket too in case I spoke nonsense so that they could look and admire the jacket instead.

Everyone came in and took their places. Each chair had a small brocure created to explain the exhibition, there were fresh daffodils in vases around the lecture room and the paintings were hung behind everyone as they sat facing the front of the room. The more serious paintings were hung in a small quiet room off the main room, and chairs were set up for contemplation and thought. I was made aware before I started that at least half the people in the room didn't have a clue that they were going to hear 45 minutes of bereavement, death, dying and love, life and hope. The Pricipal, David Hewlett had very wisely advised me to start by giving gentle permission to all who felt they could not take it, to leave the room with the chaplain; some had been bereaved fairly recently they may need someone to sit with them. I also said that if there were tears, that was fine, good and natural.

The point of this exhibition is not just my story. It begins with my story with Steve, but it has become about the feelings around bereavement, the need to talk about loss and the desire to share one's own story. This exhibition is at the moment about the release of emotion, if you want it, in a safe atmosphere where we all understand and let it happen. It is about moving on and living after the death of a loved one. For this reason, the response to the talk was spell binding. I talked, and told of the reason for the exhibition - about meeting Steve and his cancer and his graceful dying and death. I spoke of my fury with God and the shattering disbelief I felt that someone like Steve could die when I had only just met him and needed him to be with me. Not dead, not gone away for ever.

I showed the paintings and explained what made me paint them, and talked of the power of life that was highlighted in the act of dying. For the 45 minutes these good Christian men and women sat listening, I felt the empathy and recognition in the room. When I finished, I saw 60 pairs of glassy, moist eyes looking back at me, and noticed that a good few people were crying in the arms of their neighbours. The silence was utterly palpable and I sat down and thought "I have upset these good people, and they didn't expect this" . Neither, I have to say, did I. The Minister who had introduced me took over and said that now was a time for prayer. It was impossible to speak, impossible to move. We sat and prayed, or cried, or both, in silence, and then one by one the room cleared. Some people came and said they had been helped, some came to talk about their story, but not many. I wondered if I had gone too far.

Later, as if to make the experience even more profound, one by one, people came up to me and thanked me. A kind and interesting trainee Methodist minister told me that I should be in no doubt that what I had done was to touch people on many different levels, and show them the pain they carry around. And that everyone had felt so very moved and I know this is what happens. If I tell them my story it is so like theirs, we feel moved together, and it is good to know that I was in a terrible state and painted it so that I could try and make sense of it, and that all of us carry around our stories of bereavement. We all know what we are talking about when we do talk about it.

And later, when I nervously walked into lunch, wondering if I would be held responsible for the absence of students and staff for that afternoon, the kind and lovely principal David Hewlett got to his feet and introduced me formally, and everyone started to clap. That was all I needed! I was OK and they were OK and all was good again! David said to me later that it is vital that in their work outside after their training, all the students here must be able to deal with real grief and loss. And that what I did with the exhibition and the talks was wonderful and necessary. Coming from such a good and strong man, that was very high praise indeed.

The visit to Queens ended this morning for me, and I have left the paintings there to be viewed and talked over until Sunday 28 March. That, funnily enough, is Steve's birthday. He would have been 54.

Birmingham Tomorrow. Very Exciting

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Birmingham And A New Picture And A Poem Donated




This is Snowy who was a much loved cat. I am including Snowy because it seems that pets are as much missed and grieved for as people. For those who love animals this will seem as common sense, for those who don't this will seem faintly absurd.

I don't have animals, I found my children quite enough. But I do recognise that pets are absolutely fundamental in many peoples' lives and are, consequently, perfect for this exhibition. Grief is Grief, Loss is Loss. I have enjoyed painting Snowy. The end of life of a Living Thing is very profound.

I am going to Birmingham tomorrow. To Queens Foundation in Edgbaston. It is a Theological College and I am very lucky indeed to be going there. On Monday I will address the college, and that will be a learning curve for me. I am addressing highly educated and devout people; I am inclined to think "What do I know?" Well, I know about the paintings, and I know my story. I think I know what I think, but that keeps changing. Perhaps I will just have to admit that I am in a permanent state of flux.

The Poem is written by Jane Eddington and donated to the exhibition. Jane is, amongst other very impressive things, a Clown. She is an insightful and thoughtful and intelligent woman I met at the "A Graceful Death" exhibition in London. Jane has kindly donated this poem about her Aunt and Godmother Liz, who lived a life giving to others as a midwife, while rejecting any closeness and kindness - especially in her final years. Liz had suffered as a child and it left her prone to a devastating depression as she got older. Jane visited her and wrote this poem as Liz was dying.

I hold your hand.
Is it for me...
or is it for you?
does it matter?
I'm not holding on to you
as you turn your back
on the world
your mouth firmly shut...
the only way you can sayno
to life
A life you have been so tired of.
You lie peacefully
so it seems -
a husk left from a life
devoted to helping others
into the world.
It was for you, you said,
for what it gave you,
and that seemed a weight
that lay leaden in you.
I want you to feel
the connection between us
little hand, silky, no longer tanned,
no pressure,
just lightly held
so you know you are
not quite alone
as you go on your way.
You will always be
with me.

By Jane Eddington

The exhibition starts at

Queens Foundation, Somerset Road, Edgbaston, Birmingham B15 2QH

Monday 8 March 6 - 9 Opening Night.

I will post all the other details, like open hours and people to contact if you want to come and see. As it is in a College, I think the visiting rules will be different.

London Is Done, Birmingham Next

Steve's Last Bath on the left and on the wall opposite Hiram Burnett.

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So Tired But Onwards And Upwards






Here I am giving the Opening Night speech. There were over 60 people there, and it was a wonderful occaision. There were about the same number at the Closing Night Party on Sunday.


I think the main success of the exhibition is that it enables people to talk. Visitors talked about what was in their hearts and minds, without fear that it would be innapropriate. The exhibition is not heavy. It is full of life and love and sadness and bereavement. It is what you bring to it. We do want to talk about How To Die. We do want to talk about what has happened to us, and we want it to be heard in a sympathetic, normal and empathetic way. If we want to cry, it is fine. It is neither necessary nor discouraged. It just Is. Here are some comments from this London exhibition -

"A very moving and interesting exhibition. Really quite beautiful in a very unique way! Very brave and a courageous move"

"Thank you for inspiring and providing help through painful experiences for me and so many others. Never hold back because it is the truth in this art that makes it so beautiful."

"As you know, and indeed observed, this was a difficult exhibition of me to visit. V. difficult not to break down. I was with both Mum and Dad when each of them died at home and you have captured the "look" or "ambience" of death which I remember"as it were yesterday" And what a wonderful tribute to Steve you have made"

Now the exhibition will begin in Birmingham on Monday. I will give an address on that day, and will have the launch in the evening. I am being given so much opportunity here, to speak from the heart and make the whole exhibition shine. I will include the next image too - a pretty and much loved cat called Snowy. I did not think to include pets, but goodness they are important. I have only one day to paint the image. At every exhibition I want to include at least one more person either in a painting I will do, or in a poem sent to me which I will set up. And I have only received the image today, and will go this weekend, painting Snowy is just right.

I received too, my first request from a dying man in a Hospice to come quickly, take photos of him, as he is not expected to last the week. He wants to help other people, he says, and wants to be a part of the exhibition. His name is Peter Snell, and he is a gentleman, an inspiration and a brave and thoughtful man. He is my aunts husband. Both Peter and my aunt Anne requested that he was included. They will be painted together for the next venue, in Oxford if all goes to plan, and their painting will be about love. Peter is next to death, is dying of cancer, and Anne is beautiful, compassionate and so loving. This is where Peter finds just how much he is loved. I will take much time and thought on this picture when I do it.