Monday 26 October 2009

More Developments I talk about the paintings I am going to do just 8 weeks after Steve died for donations to St Barnabas House Hospice who are supporting this exhibition. St Barnabas House was where Steve died. is my other blog about my life as an artist and mother etc

Today - today I am taking everything a step further. I want the exhibition A Graceful Death to travel and tour wherever there is a space for it, and for it to grow with other peoples' experiences. This will take form in books which I will have available and encourage you to leave an account of, and your thoughts on, your own experiences. There will be pens and coloured pencils too if you wants to draw what happened. This is so exciting and I can't wait to see what comes of it. I am humbled by emails and stories I have received on the loss of a loved one. We are all carrying this experience with us as part of our lives. How exactly do we carry on? And yet we do. We do.

In order for the exhibition to travel I must apply for some kind of funding. The Arts Council is the first step. The road, they say, of a thousand miles begins with a single step. I am looking for a way to pay for the Graceful Death Tour to go wherever it is needed.

Here for the record is a painting of Steve well and healthy. This is shocking if compared with the frail, jaundiced and emaciated paintings of him I have from just before his death.

At the top I have written "I am not going anywhere" which is what Steve always said. Death is bigger than all of us. One of Steve's doctors said to me that when it is our time to go, then it is our time to go. There is nothing we can do about it. At the time, that struck me as very sensible. Everyone was doing all they could for Steve but his disease was greater than all of them. It could not be stopped.

The invites are ready. It will be time to send them out soon. I am nervous of this exhibition. What if I don't succeed and no one likes or understands the paintings? What if I can't finish in time? I think one can't guaruntee the outcome of anything, but one can both influence it and take the journey. I am taking the journey and hoping to influence the outcome. I am taking a risk, and I think I am putting on the best show of my life so far.

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