St James's Piccadilly Update

A Graceful Death opens at the end of this month in St James's Piccadilly.  All is generally in order;  the paintings are done, the short film is done, the book is being done and the organisation is ongoing.

Organisation includes, for me at least, all the housekeeping arrangements from my domestic life.  As I am in London for the whole of the exhibition, plans have to be put in place to enable my 15 year old son to go to and from school here in Bognor Regis, and for him to eat.  Eating is what he does.  He is very tall and very thin and very hungry.  Plans need to be put in place for me to stay in London and to have easy access to the church, which is all done.  My dear friend and AGD supporter, Clarissa de Wend Fenton is putting me up, plus any friends and family that need to stay.  Clarissa is a saint and will go to Heaven. 

Exhibition News 

There are some adjustments to the times and openings for the exhibition.  As the paintings will be displayed in the gallery above the church, there will be times when the exhibition will have to close for an hour or so to allow a service to take place below.  There may be unavoidable random closures during the exhibition, which is perfectly reasonable in that St James's is a working church with a huge congregation.  I will list the ones that I know about so far, below

• The Gallery and exhibition will close between 1 and 2 pm on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays
• Thursday 29 March the exhibition will close for one hour in the morning to allow a memorial service to take place.  When I know which hour, I will post it here
• The poetry workshops have had to change completely.  The only day that is possible for the church is Tuesday 3 April between 2 and 4pm.  Penny, our wonderful AGD poet will try her best to do this.   More later.
• The Church, and the exhibition, will be closed on Monday 9 March, as it is a Bank Holiday. 

• The exhibition will be open on Easter Day, usual hours of 12.30 - 5pm

I have finished the painting of Sarah Crawcour.  This is a lady I am very keen to have join the A Graceful Death exhibition; she has not only lost her partner in 2008, but has had cancer once, then twice, and now is in remission.  Sarah is in her late 40s, and is realistic and strong in her outlook on life.  I find her refreshing and positive.  I am not calling Sarah a Survivor, as she does not like that term, she feels it is not true.  She is in remission, is healthy and the cancer has gone, again, and she feels that she is not surviving anything.  Sarah hates the pinkification of breast cancer.  She does not think it is a jolly feminine thing, and was distressed and furious to have had it.  Sarah is a kind, straight talking lady, she is great fun and full of life, and she found the pinkness and the pressure to keep thinking positive overwhelming when she tried to talk about her cancer.  Sarah was scared, frightened, sick, worried, full of panic and felt that this was not always acceptable.  Of course, there are so many people who are sensitive and realistic about cancer and the way it makes those who have it feel, I think Sarah felt that those she spoke with tended to want her to join the pink ribbons, the pink teddies, the upbeat thinking, which she absolutely did not feel nor want.  I liked what Sarah said.  I liked her honesty.  I also liked very much that when Sarah knew her partner was dying, she did not want to go to his bedside.  Despite the fact that she wouldn't have made it in time to be with him as he died, she did not want to go and did not feel that either of them needed it.  I like this so much.  Not many of us are with those we care about when they die, so many of us don't make it.  Yet we feel that we should, we ought, to be there to dance them out of life.  Sarah is loving, and loyal, and was strong enough to say No, it was not what she wanted, and she wouldn't do it.  Sarah's partner died, and Sarah holds his memory with love and care, it did not matter that she was not there.






 Opening Evening is on Tuesday 27 March, 7 - 8.30.  Please come and take part.

The opening hours for the exhibition are - Monday to Saturday, 10 am to 5pm.  Sundays including Easter Sunday, 12.30 to 5pm.  I will be there every day except the afternoon of Thursday 5 April.

I will have much for you to do, see and take part in at the exhibition.  I look forward to seeing you there.

Talking.

A Graceful Death started with me losing Steve.  I was forced to accompany him to his death out of the blue, there had never been anything like it in my life.  Steve had had cancer before, and was given the all clear, so we thought that the all clear meant Never Again, Banished and Over.  When a routine test showed worrying shadows on his liver, we simply did not believe it.  It is something else, we said to each other.  It is bound to be a simple thing and anyway, we have an all clear, nothing can harm us now.  When we were gently guided towards accepting it was cancer, we said No way!  to each other.  We can will this away, we said and we went on holiday.  During the holiday, Steve set about stopping the cancer with his mind, and I had such perfect faith in him, I let him get on with it.  Our appointment with the hospital when we got back was a terrible shock.  The cancer had grown, and there was only palliative care as an option.

Holding onto Steve as he got more and more ill, I had to learn that when someone is going to die, they are going to die.  I had to learn to let go and do the best I could for him without clinging onto his exhausted body and shouting NO!  I will make you better!  I had to step back and accept that the process was going to happen whatever I did or thought, and that was very hard.  Steve's death was very much his thing.  I had to learn to follow, and watch, and understand that all I could do was go so far, and put up with it.  I was told by a wonderful cousin, that I could only dance so far with him, he had to finish the dance alone.

The work I do now for AGD is about giving the end of life some meaning.  I paint people who are facing either their own deaths, or facing a life threatening illness.  It is not only about who is dying, but how they are dying.  Eileen Rafferty, the friend and photographer who works on AGD with me, and I are realising that the conversations we have around the paintings with new subjects and their families, are an essential part of the end product, the painting.  We have bought a camera and microphone, and Eileen intends to record the interviews that we always hold with the new sitter for AGD to show alongside the painting.  The paintings are good, they capture a visual moment, but the talking that goes on around the painting, is full of insights, thoughts, difficulties and for us who are not going through it, information. 

I have been training as a Soul Midwife, alongside my AGD work.  A Soul Midwife is an emotional and spiritual companion for the dying.  I am only a beginner, and I have much training to do.  As I expand my work with AGD I come into contact with more and more people who are facing their deaths and, of huge importance, I meet their families and carers.  This is where I apply whatever I know of Soul Midwifery and I realise that I know next to nothing, but, I am helped along so much by those who sit for the exhibition.  I do not accompany people as a Soul Midwife unless they request it, and it is not linked directly to AGD, but sometimes I am requested while working on a portrait, to help with the emotional and spiritual support. I will do anything that I can, and am often in awe of the power of the dying to cope with their condition.

Eileen and I have found that the most important part of what we do for AGD (and isn't this true of life itself?) is to listen.  Before I do a painting, Eileen and I interview the sitter.  It takes more than one interview, and this is where so much that is needed to be heard, is said.  This is where Eileen is going to record the words.  She has already recorded Stuart Pryde who talked so brilliantly of his wife Sue's suicide, which will be shown in the St James's Church exhibition coming up, alongside the paintings of Stuart, Sue and Sue's suicide note.  We are going to record a wonderful couple here in West Sussex in March who are suddenly catapulted into cancer and the rapid change to their lives and dreams.  A painting will follow, of both ladies, and another small opening will take place.  We will record both the patient and the carer, and it will expand the scope of AGD to include how the prospect of terminal illness affects the partner who in most cases, is also the carer.

This year, 2012, sees A Graceful Death take part in Palliative Care conferences and training programmes. I am also going to visit schools to talk to the pupils about the exhibition and end of life matters.  I am going to talk about the work I do, and the impact the exhibition has on those that see it - and I suspect, the impact it has on me.  I am always affected by the work.  I am delighted to speak about AGD and I am delighted to show it.  I hope to see you all at the exhibition in St James's  Church in Piccadilly next month too.

St James's Church Piccadilly shows A Graceful Death 27 March - 10 April 2012

“Steve As Christ Head After Death.” Oil on wood.24”x 24”

A Graceful Death

An exhibition of paintings from the end of life By Antonia Rolls

Photography and recordings by Eileen Rafferty, Poetry Workshops by Penny Hewlett

 Exhibition at St James's Church, Piccadilly, W1J 9LL

Tuesday 27 March - Tuesday 10 April 2012

opening hours Mon - Sat 10am - 5pm, Sun 12.30pm - 5pm

Exhibition Opening 27 March 7-8.30 pm. 

Poetry Workshops for all with poet Penny Hewlett on Thursday 29 and Friday 30 March, times to be confirmed.

You are all welcome.  To the exhibition, the opening event and the poetry workshops.  Come, see, talk, take part.

The A Graceful Death Story.  

The First Stage.  

A Graceful Death is an exhibition of paintings about the death of my partner from liver cancer.  I watched him move from a life which we took for granted, through the process of dying, to his death, within three months.

I was unable to put the experience of watching him die into a place that was safe and understandable.  I photographed him with intensity and a passion that was beyond words before, during and after his death.  It then took me two years to commit the experience into these paintings.  I had no interest in Steve as he was before the cancer started to change him; I was obsessed with his last few weeks, and only wanted to remember him as he was then.  Despite his body seemingly unable to support the beating of his heart, and despite his struggle to keep breathing, his spirit did not give up.  His breath kept coming, his hands kept moving; his body contained the paradox of life and death at the same time, and the strength of both these forces was beyond my comprehension.  This is what the A Graceful Death exhibition is about.

The day Steve died, I sat with him and saw the empty husk of a real, once powerful, man.  The description of a body as a shell or an empty container, is true.  The power of life has gone and this is where the most pressing of all the questions begins:  Where did he go?  What happened?

This exhibition started with my story.  I hid in my studio for two years trying to hide what I was painting. Those who stumbled onto the paintings however, looked at them with recognition.  This, they would say, is like my mother, my father, my friend, my daughter.  The images were already recognisable to those looking at them; I was not the only one to have suffered bereavement.  And the images I surrounded myself with, were the same images that many, many, others have kept in their minds and hearts following the loss of someone through death.  Some people cried, and the tears were a relief.  It seemed that these images were powerful enough to get us talking and to help us feel that we were not alone, and certainly not mad.  Some responses were angry, and that was not a problem either.  I had been very angry, and had written a prayer that was unequivocal about God having conned me, and lied to me.  I don’t feel like that now.  There was space for anger too, and at no time did the feelings that we uncovered with the paintings, feel too much.  It was a relief to speak of our experiences and find we were able to understand each other.

  The Second Stage

 The exhibition began with Steve, and his paintings are now finished; but the story of everyone else is just beginning. Now, I paint other people approaching death.  Those either facing the end of their lives, or who are undergoing treatment for a life threatening condition.  I am including paintings of Survivors in the exhibition; survivors of the bereavement process, and those who have survived a life threatening illness and are, for the moment, all clear. Alongside each painting are some words from the sitter, telling us something about them.  Included in each exhibition too are the poems that are created at the Poetry Workshops run by our A Graceful Death poet, Penny Hewlett, and poems sent in by people moved to do so by the exhibition.  These are displayed on our Wall of Words.  Eileen Rafferty, who takes all the A Graceful Death photographs and helps with each exhibition, is recording interviews with those sitting for paintings in the exhibition, and these will enhance their story.  Neill Blume, a film maker, is creating a short film to show how the exhibition works, and some of the reactions of those who visit.

The Third Stage

The exhibition is beginning to work alongside training programmes in palliative care.  It is beginning to show alongside awareness raising events for end of life issues, and to be part of a large and organised public debate on death and dying. I am showing the exhibition alongside speakers, workers and experts in palliative care, to educate, encourage debate, and to start the conversation on what it means to die.  In May 2012 the exhibition will show in a programme for Dying Matters week, alongside training events for palliative care professionals.  In November 2012, A Graceful Death joins forces with Sheffield Universtiy to exhibit alongside seminars, discussions and lectures on end of life issues from the faculties of, amonst others, Medicine, Philosophy and Religion.

Conclusion

A Graceful Death exhibition is about the end of life, the way we die, and the process of our dying.  It is also about educating people in the work that so many do to help people as they die, helping both professionally and as carers at home or in our communities, and the ways in which we can understand the process of the end of life better.  We, who are not yet in this position, watch others go and know we too will follow at some point.  It is important to know this and to acknowledge it.  Our lives are finite, and it is certain that we will, whatever we feel about it, die.  Once we have lost someone we love, death can become less fearful.  It becomes easier for most of us to speak the word death and to talk about dying.  And having the dying live honestly amongst us is the best thing we can do for them, and they for us.

This exhibition is profound, raw, powerful and real.  Death and Dying are unforgettable.  It is also about love, life, hope and the fact that Life, really, Does Go On.

“Alone With Tea”  diptych that says that even though your heart is breaking, there is always Tea.  And even if you hold your mug drooping at your side, there is still comfort. Acrylic on wood.

antonia.rolls1@btinternet.com         

Next Exhibition At St James's Piccadilly

The next exhibition of A Graceful Death will be shown at 

St James's in Piccadilly, London,

from March 25 to April 10.  

You are all warmly invited and I look forward to seeing you there.

Eileen and I are beginning the process of arranging everything so that we can open with a proper Opening Night on the 25 March. During our time in St James's we will have poetry workshops by Penny Hewlett and possibly, if all goes well, related talks on end of life issues. There will be the book that Eileen has created of her photos of the paintings and of some of the exhibitions; this book will be for sale and the proceeds will go to the AGD fund for future exhibitions.  We are showing the paintings in the gallery of the church, upstairs, and we have (as ever) much to do.

Much has been happening with this exhibition.  There are plans to expand the way we show the paintings and the poetry.  There is interest in showing A Graceful Death alongside training events taking place around the country on end of life issues.  I am talking to various people about exhibiting in conferences and related events, giving an artistic approach to death and dying through the paintings, and helping those taking part in such training events to feel responses and to acknowledge and respect their own experiences of death and dying. The exhibition offers a profound emotional, personal and visual response to dying and the end of life, which works well with words and teaching.  Penny Hewlett, our AGD poet, has helped to create some very strong poetry on aspects of death, dying and bereavement, from those who take part in her poetry workshops.  This will help people to release some of their emotions through creativity. 

I am hoping too, to have Felicity Warner come and talk at the St James's exhibition.  Felicity is the founder of the Soul Midwife Foundation and is full of experience and understanding on what it means to die. Felicity's books are "Gentle Dying, A Simple Guide To Achieving A Peaceful Death", and "A Safe Journey Home".  She is wonderful and inspiring to listen to, and makes so much sense.  Felicity is very busy, and will come if she can, so here is hoping that it is possible. 

As well as taking the exhibition to events and training programmes that have already been set up, I would love to create my own training and lecture programmes to show alongside and as a part of A Graceful Death.  I have now met some very experienced and inspiring people who should be heard.  They work on the front line with people in nursing homes, they own and run funeral companies, they work in hospices, they give spiritual support to the dying - it would be excellent and inspirational to have these people and more, to talk of their experiences and to teach us what it is like to do as they do.  I finish this year in Sheffield in November, at the University.  There, the paintings will be shown alongside seminars, talks, debates and lectures arranged by the University from the faculties of Medicine, Religion, Philosophy, English, for both the university and the public.  I am very much looking forward to that too.  I hope that Sheffield may show me how it can be done so that I can arrange my own lectures, talks and debates alongside the paintings.  Very exciting!

And the paintings?  I am preparing to paint Sarah Crawcour at the moment, who hates the word Survivor, and for that reason, she is not one.  Sarah is an interesting lady to join the exhibition as she has three reasons to tell us her story.  Sarah lost her partner a few years ago, and would not go to be with him as he died. She absolutely did not want to go and felt that she was not needed.  Very good.  How many of us have felt the same?  We don't all want to be by the bedside as someone dies, we may very well run a mile.  Sarah presents another approach. She is in recovery from breast cancer, and has very strong views on the jolly upbeat approach of breast cancer support which she thinks is not a jolly subject at all.  It makes her angry and feel undermined.  And Sarah has recently been operated on as her cancer returned and is now successfully through that unpleasant experience.  Sarah is only 51 years old, full of energy and life.  Her portrait and story will be very good for A Graceful Death because she did not do what everyone expects that they will do.

I keep my hospice work very separate from the exhibition work, but my goodness there are some glorious people in there.  They could really tell us a thing or two about approaching death, and what it means to them.  And as they become more ill, they have a fragile beauty that is painful at times.  It highlights the miracle of life, it seems that they cannot support life in such a brittle body but they can and do.  That is where I feel awe about the magic of life.  

More on the exhibition, the paintings, and progress soon.  It is all go here in Bognor where I live, onwards and upwards as we say. 

Bognor From Birmingham With Added Poetry And Thoughts

We finished the latest exhibition at 4pm in St Martin in the Bull Ring on Tuesday 29 November, with the final poetry workshop by the very excellent poet Penny Hewlett.  It was a lively group of poets that gathered around Penny.  The theme was Moving Away, a fitting end to some quite powerful and emotional workshops run by Penny, to fit in with the A Graceful Death themes of loss, bereavement, hope and life.  This workshop was also powerful and emotional.  It is inevitable, when anyone is asked to work on their experiences of grief and loss, and to celebrate the life of those who have died, that it isn't going to be just a jolly moment or two of recollection.  Penny aims to get poetry out of the situation, and the work she encouraged from her workshops is very strong.  There will be a small booklet of the poems when Penny gets them all together and printed.  I for one, can't wait.  I love the poetry and responses from those that take part in the exhibition.  It is tremendously moving to read what people can write, and I always include any poetry in the exhibition as it tours.

So, Birmingham is done and dusted.  I am home, with all the paintings and assorted AGD stuff back in the studio.  Our next venue is the old and famous church St James's in Piccadilly, in mid March to about the 10 April.  I will post more on that as we organise it.

Birmingham.  What happened in Birmingham, and how did it go down?  It went down well.  I met some good people, and heard some interesting stories.  I was there for the beginning, and there for the end, and realise that I really do need to be there all the time.  The paintings and the words are powerful and moving, and it is not enough to leave people to move around in the exhibition without someone available to talk to.  If either I or someone who understands the exhibition are not there, something is missing.  I understood from this exhibition in St Martins, that the whole experience of AGD is the human contact.  It is about the human condition of life, death and life again.  To have lost someone, to have felt that grief and anger and bleakness, to have come through it all and to have survived the experience of bereavement is truly life changing.  The paintings and poetry and prose in the exhibition touches us all again, and we resonate with the messages and images.  We understand the whole thing, it relates deeply to our experience and that - that is where someone needs to be standing in the exhibition, ready to be a warmly human, and to listen and be there. If I could manage it, there would always be tea and cake for everyone to provide instant contact with the present, and to provide comfort.  The exhibition acts and a sounding board for those who need to speak, it acts as a spring board for those who want to go away and do something about their feelings (I mean something healing, like poetry, praying, art, speaking, and so on).  For the two weeks that I was not present at the exhibition, I feel that people may have found it difficult and confusing.  But, Penny was there for her workshops over one of the Saturdays, and that has been very positive.

I am going to take a few weeks to assess the next steps for AGD.  We are so very lucky to be showing over Easter at St James's in Piccadilly.  Both Eileen and I want to make it a memorable time for everyone, and we hope to grow our ideas of workshops and related talks and discussions.  Penny, our AGD Poet will be there.  Eileen will have her films and recordings, and we hope that Neill Blume will have finished our film about the creative processes behind the exhibition, and the effects that it has on those who are being painted.  Eileen and I have tentatively asked a wonderfully creative friend if she would consider doing some Dance and Drama workshops around the exhibition, and we have also asked our friend Stuart (who is painted in the exhibition alongside his wife Sue, and some of Sue's writings, before her suicide in 2008) to consider doing some work with us on the subject of suicide.  Eileen is producing her book, and we hope to have that for the next exhibition.  I have ideas too about asking certain people to give talks on subjects alongside AGD. 


In the meantime, Eileen is coming to stay this weekend, and we have a working weekend ahead.  We will be meeting with people who may be able to help us tomorrow, and on Sunday we are meeting the next person to be painted.  We are having lunch with her, and Eileen will photograph her.  We have done the interview, but may do another.  This lady, Sarah, has not only survived bereavement, but has survived cancer too.  She hates the word Survivor, so I won't use it for her.  Her story and her thoughts are very interesting and a bit different - she is a strong lady.

I would like, before I go, to thank an extremely kind lady that I met on the Soul Midwife course.  Her name is Storm, and she sent a donation to A Graceful Death on her return home, and has asked for us to come to Glastonbury where she lives.  Thank you Storm, thank you!  You are a star.  And yes, we will come to Glastonbury and it will be lovely to see you again.

In the meantime, much to think about.  But after another pot of tea and some more cake. And, Tuesday 29 November is Steve's anniversary.  The exhibition came down on the anniversary of his death in 2007.

Resting In Motion At The Speed Of Light

I am so proud of the A Graceful Death exhibition.  So many people, too many to name here, are responsible for making it strong and simple, gracious and loving.  It exists because there are those who have a huge heart and a strong mind.  I include in this all those who help to transport, hang, catalogue, publicise and do workshops for the exhibition, and those who are painted and who tell their stories, and who write the poetry that is used.  Having the expert and excellent Eileen Rafferty http://www.eileen-rafferty.com/2011/11/different-kind-of-truth.html on board as co-producer is another feather in the exhibition's cap.  This link to Eileen's blog shows some small films that Eileen has made, where we discuss the latest paintings for A Graceful Death, which is on the subject of the suicide of Stuart Pryde's wife Sue.

But I am now moving in a different though parallel direction.  I have taken on the job title of Soul Midwife, and have begun a journey that both thrills and terrifies me.  I simply do not know how to do this job.  And yet, it is quite simply the most important thing I have ever done.  I have been on a course in Dorset with the wonderful Felicity Warner www.soulmidwives.co.uk, I have been inspired by the concept of graceful, gentle dying and the place of the Soul Midwife in working with those who are going to die, to create the best death that they can together.  The idea behind the Soul Midwife movement seems to be very like the ideas behind the hospice movement, and the work of all the most influential palliative care pioneers.  The beauty of the Soul Midwife is that we do not have to be trained medically or as a counsellor, we work alongside other professions and provide spiritual and emotional support.  We listen, we support, we are not afraid.  Many have other services such as reiki, healing, bach flower remedies, meditation to offer.  Some are experienced in helping the dying person to reconcile differences within the family, some are wonderful with music and art, and can help to unlock thoughts and memories that need to be celebrated or acknowledged.  The most important offering, I think, is a listening love.  If only we start with this, the rest is just icing on the cake.

Where am I in this wonderful new world?  Having done my course with Felicity, I am so far down the ladder as to be almost unable to see the starting rung.  I have spent a week letting my thoughts settle after the course, and making myself do nothing.  I can see how this work can be done, and I can see that it is so very important, but where on earth do I start?  I am paralysed by the enormity of the task.  How can I, with very little experience, possibly help another to die well?  I know nothing.  I know nothing.  It is the other way round, it is me who will be saying, help me.  I will be saying, will you help me to know what is going on as you die, will you teach me how to do this?  I need to watch and wait, I need to go directly to the dying and learn from them.  I cannot do this work yet, I have much to learn and a long way to go.  So I have decided to start at the beginning.  I need to learn. This new job as a Soul Midwife starts with some training at the front line.  It is fine that I know nothing, it is not fine if I stay like that.  So learn something.  Ask someone.  I am a Soul Midwife in Training.  It is fine to take my time, in fact, it is essential.  Maybe I will learn quickly and set myself up in no time at all.  That would be wonderful;  I cannot think of a more perfect job than that of a Soul Midwife.  And maybe, I find that I do not learn quickly.  Maybe I am someone who needs to sit at the feet of many many different people before I set myself up as a Soul Midwife.  Or perhaps a third option, in that I do a bit of both.  I don't know right now, I have not quite started.

Here is what I have done.  I have contacted the Snowdrop Trust, a charity that cares for children in West Sussex (where I live) with life threatening and terminal illnesses, in their homes.  I have asked to train as a volunteer, as their volunteers are highly trained and supported, and are not expected to do anything medical.  I will, I am told, be doing fun things with the children alongside the Snowdrop Trusts doctors and nurses.  A  lady from the Trust is coming here to my home next week to go through it all with me.  I volunteer already at my local hospice, where my role is to make teas and coffees and listen.  And finally, just as I returned home from the course, I received an email from a lady who I admire tremendously.  She is a highly intelligent, articulate and compassionate speaker on all subjects from palliative care to moral issues in the approaches to dying, legal issues at the end of life to matters around mental health.  I have found her willingness to help me work out how to best produce the A Graceful Death exhibition over the years so helpful and insightful.  Her email, received at 7.30am the morning after I returned from Felicity's course in Dorset, said that quite out of the blue she had been diagnosed with a possible terminal condition, and that everything in her life had been turned on its head.  The most extraordinary thing, she said, is that the tests that found this dreadful illness, were routinely given for something else, and that she still felt very well indeed.  And yet, she is extremely ill, and possibly has not got much time left.  I asked her to come and see me as a friend, not in a professional capacity, and she did.  The following morning she came for breakfast.

She is an extraordinary lady.  It was a wonderful breakfast.  We laughed, we ate, we spoke of life and death.  And here, in my kitchen, is the person who can teach me how to be a Soul Midwife.  She had agreed to talk me through her experiences and to be my teacher.

And finally, as the dust is settling, and I am making more sense of how to move forwards not only as a Soul Midwife but as an artist who is dedicated to producing the A Graceful Death exhibition as an ongoing Artistic contribution to the subject of death and dying and love, I am aware that the most difficult thing to overcome is my own lack of confidence.  One of the bonuses of being a Soul Midwife is the contact with other Soul Midwives.  We seem to care greatly about each other, and to offer a huge amount of support in all ways. I met and made contact with some wonderful people on Felicity's course, and am really, once I get over my confusion, in very good hands indeed.  And that is what I want the people I work with to say of me, that they are in very good hands indeed.

Photos By Eileen Rafferty And A New Venture For Me

A Graceful Death Exhibition

St Martin in the Bull Ring, Birmingham B5 5BB

Friday 4 November - Tuesday 29 November

Open Daily

Come and write your piece in the Memory Book in the exhibition.  Write about you, write in poetry or prose.  Say what you want.  Tell us about who you remember.

These are some photos for you by Eileen Rafferty who has written of the exhibition in her excellent blog Photosynthesis - http://www.eileen-rafferty.com/2011/11/exhibition-graceful-death.html .   

Steve in shadow, taken by Eileen as the sun was slowly setting.

The paintings of Stuart and his wife Sue Pryde.  Sue killed herself in 2008 and this is an important work and comment on Sue's suicide.  Written in the three smaller paintings are extracts from Sue's writings, her suicide note to the police (not her suicide note to Stuart) and her letter to Stuart on their wedding day.  Sue is deeply missed and mourned by her husband and her friends.

We are very lucky indeed to have the services of Penny Hewlett, poet in residence at St Martin in the Bull Ring.  Penny is taking poetry workshops on themes taken from the exhibition.  These are a couple of photos from her first workshop.

Penny talking to a very interesting lady from her first workshop, on the subject of Facing Loss.

The same lady working on exercises in writing and thinking that Penny had set.

 These are the hands of a poet, Jenna Plewes who has written the poem on death below.  I am using this and at least two other poems of Jenna's for the exhibition.  Jenna is a warm, intelligent lady who's hands Eileen has captured in her usual excellent way.

 Beechwoods

 Spring sunshine brings the beech leaves

to a simmering mouthwatering greenness

and the bluebells beneath are a long cool drink of blue.

I walk carefully, but leave a bruised path,

and so I stop, and let the blue green day sift down around me.

Inside a voice says “hold on to this, remember this,

remember this when the busy world reclaims you,

see still in your mind’s eye the blue  and the green,

and the gentle sky.

Tomorrow I go to Dorset to start my training as a Soul Midwife with Felicity Warner.  www.soulmidwives.co.uk.

I will be starting something that I am very keen to do.  Until I start learning about it, I am reluctant to say very much.  I am not trained to do anything professionally.  I am not a medic, I am not a counsellor, I am not even trained as an artist.  I know that I can help people who are dying, and I want to learn how to do it.  As far as I can see, a Soul Midwife provides emotional and spiritual support for those who are dying, whether at the time of diagnosis or later on.  A Soul Midwife will walk alongside someone at the end of their lives, helping to make the experience as easy as possible.  I will learn how to listen, comfort, discuss, do things, and when the time comes if requested, to be present as they die.   I will work alongside doctors and nurses, counsellors and other trained professionals, to make the experience of the end of life as good and peaceful as possible.

More on this as I do it.

In the meantime, please go to St Martin in the Bull Ring and witness the A Graceful Death exhibition. Penny's final workshop will take place during the closing ceremony of the exhbition on Tuesday 29 November, at 2pm.  The title of the workshop will be Moving On.  I will be there and am looking forward to doing another of Penny's moving and uplifting poetry workshops.  I hope to see you there too.